Can Kink Retraumatize You?
A friend recently asked me, “Can practicing kink to regulate yourself from a trigger potentially retraumatize you?” She was curious whether it could create unnecessary associations between the original trauma and the kink. Let’s dive in.
What is trauma?
Having a foundational understanding of trauma helps clarify how things can trigger or retraumatize you. Trauma occurs when the body experiences an event too overwhelming to fully process.
A complete processing cycle looks like:
Activating event
⤷ Nervous system shifts into fight or flight
⤷ Event is somatically and cognitively processed
⤷ Person returns to a calm nervous system state and the memory is integrated with minimal lingering activation.
An incomplete processing cycle looks like:
Activating event
⤷ Nervous system shifts into fight or flight
⤷ Nervous system is overwhelmed and stuck in fight, flight, and/or freeze
⤷ Event is incompletely processed, leaving the body unable to move beyond this nervous system state
⤷ Memory recall or associated events trigger the same activation.
Neurodivergence & Trauma
Everyone can experience both little t traumas and Big T traumas.
Big T traumas: life-threatening events such as assaults, combat, natural disasters, severe accidents, illnesses, or deaths.
Little t traumas: non-life-threatening events like breakups, bullying, job loss, or rejection.
Both categories can result in PTSD, anxiety, depression, substance use, and physical or mental health challenges.
For neurodivergent individuals, trauma can feel especially “sticky.” Because of differences in brain functioning and neurochemical regulation, emotional processing can take longer, and dysregulation can be more frequent and intense. Sometimes little t traumas may feel like Big T traumas. In fact, up to 60% of neurodivergent individuals develop PTSD, compared to about 4.5% of the general population (Rumball et al., 2020).
What helps to process trauma?
The goals of trauma processing are to:
Allow the body to “close the loop” by completing and releasing the stress response.
Reinstate integration by desensitizing activation, increasing brain processing, and forming new neural pathways.
For some, this happens naturally. For others, proactive maintenance and targeted work with a practitioner are essential. Evidence-based therapies include EMDR and Somatic Experiencing. Complementary practices include polyvagal exercises, talk therapy, mindfulness, meditation, conscious movement (like dance or yoga), diet adjustments, and group support.
Kink & Your Nervous System
Now, back to kink. Many people use kink as part of their healing journey — but what does it really do, and what are its limits?
Kink can help regulate the nervous system by stimulating the release of dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin, cortisol, endorphins, and endocannabinoids. In the right combination, these neurochemicals can promote relaxation, improved mood, and sometimes catharsis. For neurodivergent folks, who may have irregular neurochemical regulation, kink can restore the flow of neurochemicals that might otherwise feel blocked.
In this way, kink can support nervous system regulation and even shorten the time it takes to move through activation. Certain power dynamics also incorporate cognitive behavioral therapy strategies that can be supportive. But kink on its own does not reintegrate past traumatic experiences — it primarily helps with current dysregulation. Kink can be considered a complementary practice to trauma processing therapies.
How can kink retraumatize you?
First, know that anything can traumatize or retraumatize, depending on the event and your nervous system. Kink — especially BDSM — carries a higher risk profile due to its intensity.
Some factors to be mindful of:
Will the scene push you beyond your physical, mental, or emotional limits?
Are you engaging with a new partner before trust and safety have been established?
Are you playing while your nervous system is already overwhelmed?
Is the scene mimicking or incorporating elements from previous traumatic experiences?
There’s a school of thought that reenacting certain traumas through kink can help recontextualize them. Personally, I would advise against this. Unless guided by someone trained in trauma interventions, the outcome can be unpredictable and may cause nervous system flooding rather than healing. Being aware of potential harm will help inform your consent practices in high-risk activities.
How to mitigate psychological risks in kink
While kink can be deeply healing, it also comes with psychological risks. You can reduce those risks by approaching play with awareness, education, and preparation.
Start by learning about trauma and neurodivergence so you understand how your nervous system responds under stress.
Develop self-awareness around your own history, triggers, and limits so you can advocate for yourself clearly.
Take time to build trust with your partners before exploring more intense dynamics. Create a safety plan together — this could include agreed-upon safe words, boundaries, and grounding practices if things feel overwhelming. Having a clear demarcation of the beginning and end of a scene can be helpful too.
Finally, prioritize aftercare. Sharing intentional time to reconnect, co-regulate, and process can make the difference between an experience that feels destabilizing and one that feels integrative and nourishing.
SOURCES:
Antshel, Kevin M., et al. “Posttraumatic Stress Disorder in Adult Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: Clinical Features and Familial Transmission.” The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, vol. 74, no. 3, Mar. 2013, pp. e197-204, doi:10.4088/JCP.12m07698. (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov).
Brame, Gloria. “Why Kink Makes Your Brain Happy.” Gloria Brame, 22 May 2025, gloriabrame.com/why-kink-makes-your-brain-happy/. Accessed 17 Sep. 2025. (gloriabrame.com).
National Autistic Society. “Post-traumatic Stress Disorder in Autistic People.” Autism UK, 30 Mar. 2022, www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/ptsd-autism. Accessed 17 Sep. 2025. (autism.org.uk).
Neff, Megan Anna. “Autism and Trauma: How Are Autism and Trauma Related?” Neurodivergent Insights, 5 Nov. 2022, neurodivergentinsights.com/autismandtrauma/. Accessed 17 Sep. 2025.(neurodivergentinsights.com).
Rumball, Freya, Francesca Happé, and Nick Grey. “Experience of Trauma and PTSD Symptoms in Autistic Adults: Risk of PTSD Development Following DSM-5 and Non-DSM-5 Traumatic Life Events.” Autism Research, vol. 13, no. 12, Dec. 2020, pp. 2122-2132. Wiley Online Library, doi:10.1002/aur.2306.